OK Minions — Here’s the deal… the time will come when I am no longer in office. You’ll know that’s finally happened because there’ll be flurry bunnies bouncing all over the place. As well as that Republicans and Democrats will be talking about their differences and working things out for the best of all parties involved and the Country at large. God damn it — those were the bad days of politics.
When that day comes there will be a need for you to explain your decisions. You know the ones that I mean, and why you stuck with me on so many of my wild-arsed ventures.
But, in all honesty, why the Hell did you stick with me on some of the policies I implemented? You must’ve known they were going to come back and bite you in the arse like a crocodile on amphetamines.
Is it wrong to admire the enemy?
Don’t tell anybody until I’ve gone, but I have the upmost respect for people like Andy Zingkinger. When I always said people like him where RINO, I always meant that they were true Republicans. Let’s face it, only idiots followed my lead (just like sheep). The ones that stood up to me had balls because they knew what would happen to them.
Obviously I made fun of them at the time, and I tried to cast them as far away from the Republican party as I could. You have to look at them however and secretly respect them.
When it comes to Andy Zingkinger, he called me out for being what I actually am. A complete and utter scum-bag. He knew that just because I had conned the rest of his party into supporting me and my policies, he did not have to be part of it.
Although I’ve heard of morals — fortunately, I’ve never experienced them. You’ve got to have a slight admiration for people that do have morals, and stick to them even though it is not in their best interests. I usually come to my senses around 30 seconds after this mislaid respect. Realizing that if it’s not in their best interests, they’re idiots.
Free excuses you can use
If you are reading this post however, and you know that you’re one of the people it refers to then you’re the type of person that I like to have beneath me on the big totem poll of life. You know — people that do as they’re told & don’t ask questions.
Like I said, there’ll come a time when you’re going to have to answer for your crimes against the Country and the Republican Party. When such a time arrives, I’ve got a few suggestions for you that have served me well throughout my life. Obviously as you’ve outlived your usefulness the only way I’ll talk to you from now on is if you can still be of use. Either that, or you have copies of the photos that Jafray or Padimir Vlutin have.
Your Honor, I…
So, if and when you are confronted about why you followed my policies, here are the excuses I would use:
- I’m not the same person I was back then
Even though I should have left office by now, you did initially agreed with the policy in question. For times like this there’s the tried and tested excuse “I’m not the same person I was back then”. You could even try “There’s been a change of leadership in my head”. Either way these excuses have worked for different companies for years. So there’s no excuse for the basement dwellers of this country not to believe you. - Mr. Rump threatened my family’s safety
If I’m dead then please feel free to insinuate that I threatened yourself & your family’s safety if you didn’t do as I wanted. Let’s face it, from one representative to another, you never know whether this is true or not.
If I’m still alive then you can still try and use the same excuse. However, I’ll fight you every step of the way. Unless the idiots of this country have woken up to me being a selfish tit, you know they’ll still be on my side. - It’s all Fake News, initiated by the Liberal Media
It’s worked for me for quite a few years now. Simply create a false narrative that anybody who reports anything that you don’t want them to is not a legitimate news organization and the people involved in the story have no more right to life, than a dead cockroach who hasn’t paid me rent for 6 months because I refuse to clean up their cockroach infested apartment.
You’ll need to use those, and other excuses multiple times. Let’s face it – I’ve done some bad things whilst I’ve been in office. Unfortunately (well I say unfortunately, but I couldn’t give a damn), you’re going to have to pay for them.
